This was me during my youth - quiet, polite and serene on the outside, white noise on the inside. Teachers couldn’t work out why I excelled at some things and failed totally at others, they thought I was smart but not applying myself to my work. It took me til my 30s to get a diagnosis.
“a pleasure to have in class, but needs to apply herself”
“Has a lot of potential” got used a lot
“He easily deserves a B but he could get an A if he applied himself. I’ll just give him a C so he tries harder”
- gets a D *
“It’s no use, I push him as far as I could”
My parents were told I had it but they chose to ignore it fearing what others would think of them. May they rot.
My senior year I had 104 in computer science, a 99 in physics and a 100 in typing. In algebra I had a 75 and 72 in English. Somehow my parents blamed the teachers. It never occurred to them that the math for algebra and physics overlaps a lot. It didn’t occur to my algebra teacher either.
I got that a lot, along with “has poor impulse control”… Bitches, if you only knew what impulses I was controlling…
Replace her with him and one of my school reports literally had that word for word lmfao.
Thanks for the flashbacks.
My partner got that on hers.
I got a mix of that and “a pleasure to have in class, but needs to work on not distracting others”
How I went 31 years with no raised eyebrows is funny to me, so many red flags attributed to being “quirky” or “eccentric”.
How often do you have a feeling that there’s too much information to convey right now, and speech/mouth feels like a bottleneck not capable of delivering all that needs to be said in their really specific details?
Now combine that with impatient people who don’t give other people enough time to process information or enough time to properly explain something.
That’s my whole family dynamic right there. Pure anxiety fuel :D
ADHD Cross Type Communication
I’m energetic and extremely talkative when talking about the things I’m currently into. All other times I’m exactly this.
yes that sounds like inattentive type adhd, its the spacey daydreamy type, and fun fact, as its less disruptive its less likely to be diagnosed and funner fact its much more common in girls which contributes to the
Gotta say I really appreciate you getting distracted by something more interesting halfway through
yeah I couldn’t figure out how to name the thing at the end of the sentence so i just gave up and trusted yall would get it
has “in this essay I will” energy, 11/10
Frick. I should really get a proper diagnosis. Anyone here found out they had ADHD well into adulthood? What changed?
Yeah almost 40, was diagnosed not even two years ago.
I had been taking Ritalin to start with, which is great for bringing me out, makes me more talkative actually able to pay attention to your usual boring chit-chat with people.
I’ve since migrated to dexamfetamine & vyvanse (pro drug / long acting dexamf’) which for me is less of the talkative / social and more of being able to focus, time manage & notice when I’m spending too much time on one task.
For me, the biggest changes have been being able to start & finish anything. I’ve really delved into Linux / home labbing’ and have a modest setup, and a decent understanding of Linux / NixOS.
My relationship has improved, I’m now much more attentive around the house, and even proactive with chores / tasks.
Biggest downside has been issues with sleep being on Vyvanse, I’m trialing Guanfacine or Intuniv (brand name) for those issues. Off label it helps with impulsiveness however adjusting to the groggy mornings hasn’t been fun.
I’m very happy my wife pushed me to see a Dr about a diagnosis, I’d just thought that I was lazy or a bit of a dropkick when it came to life admin / general chores.
Thank you! What doctor makes that diagnostic? GP? Neurologist? Psychiatrist?
I saw firstly a remote psych then I found a local one, the initial stages of being diagnosed took over 2 years for me sadly.
I was in my late thirties when I finally had my diagnosis. It gave me a surprising amount of peace knowing that all of those things I’ve struggled with all my life was in fact a condition/a disability and not just me not trying hard enough. Having a professional say it was not all my own fault did mean a lot.
Getting diagnosed also meant I could get drugs. Those helped a lot too. They’re not miracle cures that makes it all go away but they have really made a difference.
Thanks!
Got diagnosed near the end of last year, well into adulthood. I have inattentive type (what was once called ADD). I’m on non-stimulany meds for it, which helps. But the thing about ADHD is that it’s mainly genetic and has to do with the structure of your brain. Its a holdover from when we were living on plains and spent most of our days eating berries and avoiding predators. There’s no real symptom relief, only management.
That said, the tools you learn for management while in therapy for it are amazing. And once you understand how your brain works, you gain a deeper and better understanding of how and why you do things. I know that seems like a “duh”, but in practice its a lot more profound and empowering than you think its going to be.
But ADHD has a lot of overlap with other things, so don’t be too sure until you see a professional. I wasn’t looking for an ADHD diagnosis when I got one - I thought I had depression. And I was miserable. Like, considering some unthinkable stuff. My diagnosis and treatment basically 180’d me completely. Find a good doctor, then listen to them
I was sort of like this, but further inquiry into my parents and friends and classmates it was more:
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“Why are you so quiet?”
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“Why won’t you shut up?”
For number 1: lol follow a train of thought?
For number2: Train has left the station at full speed near instant acceleration
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When I was a kid, it was just called ADD, attention deficit disorder. Then at some point they slipped the hyperactive in there, and it made everyone think that it’s just energetic kids. Then you got pushback in the media saying it’s just excusing people not wanting to discipline their kids. And that’s why I never even considered that I might have it until after I flunked out of college.
I’m still in awe of the sheer naivety of the profession deciding that including hyperactive in the title would lead to increased understanding and inclusion.
Same, 31 now and I think I have a mild version of the inattentive type. My wife opened my mind to it, I won’t go for a diagnosis but having resources to help me improve and deal better with it are great.
same except i was diagnosed with ADHD (which was recognized as a separate disorder from ADD at the time) around age 6 and my parents decided to pretend it wasn’t real for… 30 years and counting.
Yep “ADHD inattentive type” here. Chuck in Autism and dysgraphia and I was a quiet kid.
How does the dysgraphia affect you?
Makes writing annoying and much slower than my brain wants to go. Writing takes all my attention to get right. ADHD makes it hard to keep what I want to say in my head, while I wait for my hands to catch up.
I have at least two concurrent trains of thought running simultaneously at all times; I don’t have the energy to be outwardly expressive.
This is why my parents dismissed my childhood diagnosis of ADHD. My older brother has the hyperactive type, but I am more of the inattentive type.
The outside is calm, but the inside is a tornado of thoughts that doesn’t cease.
I’m the inattentive type. My youngest kid is the hyper type.
We clash soooo much. His body does what my mind does.
That definition always bothered me a lot… The hyperactivity is always there, but it’s either internalised, externalised and sometimes it’s both. It’s the intensity of it that can vary a lot from person to person.
“I have all this energy inside and I can’t use it how I want!!”
“I have all this energy outside and it’s using me how it wants!!”
That’s why they don’t use “types” anymore, they call them presentations. Any person with ADHD may present as more inattentive or more hyperactive depending on circumstances, and, like you said, some elements of both are always there.
The neat part of the Internet is having communities like this explain things I’ve been feeling my whole life, but couldn’t quite find the words to describe it.
Figuring out that I have ADHD (4 years ago at age 33) made a lot of things make sense.
I’m shy, my brother who is many years older than me would tell his friends how I’d yap his head off. They couldn’t believe it cause I’d say almost nothing around them.
I thought that’s what ADD was comopared to ADHD.
For whatever reason, they combined both into ADHD and ADD is no longer a diagnosis.
Pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. I tried to get an evaluation on the recommendation of my therapist once and all they did was offer me meds directly.
I can totally relate to the quiet variant, I’m very nonverbal and always lost in thought. But when it comes time to speak I usually only have a couple words to say. I’m only ever talkative through text when I have time to organize thoughts.
Are you in the US? And if so did your therapist offer to give you a screener? It’s a self-evaluation that you can do, then you try meds and if the meds are effective you probably have ADHD. I wasn’t given any kind of initial evaluation beyond that. And also there are three main presentations of ADHD - inattentive (lost in thought), hyperactive-impulsive (what the media focused on), and combined. Each individual’s presentation will be unique though.
I spent 2k on a test for my daughter and they just simply said “nope, she’s fine. But she might need some counseling on how to get work done more efficiently.” I’m old school ADD diagnosed and I can absolutely tell she has it.
I am in the US and my therapist didn’t offer any screening but gave a referral, which basically amounted to a doctor coming in and asking why I thought I had ADHD (to which I answered several reasons including scattered thoughts) to which the response was: “you think you have ADHD because you’re forgetful?” And that tbh made me feel pretty defeated. They offered a prescription and I said no and that was that :/
I have actually had medication once without any medical guidance when I was a kid in middle school (maybe 7 or 8 years prior to therapy when I found a loose concerta pill) and I did all my homework that day. I remember being blown away by how I was able to focus, and the problems seemed so much more satisfying to do. Medication probably would help me a lot but I was raised by psychiatrist parents who distrust psychiatric medication and kind of brainwashed us to not get any diagnoses or medication so it’s kind of hard to get over the fear that they’ve instilled in us even though I’ve already tried it and nothing bad happened. I definitely resent them for that
Your parents sound like shitty psychiatrists.
Yeah they are. My dad is more of a “everyone else can use the medicine I prescribe but our kids have to stay pure because we don’t have those kinds of problems and if we did taking medicine is a cop out” kinda person and my mom is only a neurologist but would talk to patients about herbal medicine, acupuncture, and how they shouldn’t get vaccines. Thank god they’re both retired and I don’t have to hear their whining about hospital policy and the continuing education requirements they should have taken more seriously.
This is me! I have this.
