Opinion | Why Aren’t More People Marrying? Ask Women What Dating Is Like.
www.nytimes.com
Harping on people to get married from up in the ivory tower fails to engage with reality in the dating trenches.
  • megopie@beehaw.org
    1·
    2 years ago

    It’s really quite absurd how bad it is in DC. There are so many smart professional young woman here and for so many they’re met by a wall of suit wearing conservative lobbyists who think that all they need to do to “get a wife” is be marginally successful in work, “strong”, and not respectful, kind, intelligent or responsible.

    • dumples@kbin.social
      1·
      2 years ago

      I remember hearing all of the Trump appointees being so angry that no one in DC wanted to date or sleep with them. What did you expect to happen? Taking away women’s right isn’t the turn on you think it is

      • LoamImprovement@beehaw.org
        1·
        2 years ago

        Wait, you’re telling me women who work in politics aren’t head-over-heels for the idea of giving up their careers to…

        checks notes

        …cook, clean, and rear children for men who think of them exclusively as outlets? Quelle fucking surprise!

  • Kwakigra@beehaw.org
    1·
    2 years ago

    Whew, asking the real questions here. I have a few more:

    Why aren’t more people using horse drawn carriages? Why aren’t more people using an abacus? Why aren’t more people sending telegrams? Why aren’t more people having duels? Why aren’t more people paying dowries? Why aren’t more people farming with hand tools? Why aren’t more people hunting and gathering in nomadic bands?

  • Scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.techEnglish
    1·
    2 years ago

    Men (and granted I am male) really do need to drop the alpha male stuff. It’s a shame so many men are drawn into this weird mentality on YouTube thinking that’s what is going to get them a girl… When really it’s the furthest from the truth.

    I met my wife at work, made some awkward jokes with her, and eventually asked her out. We split everything a perfect 50/50 and I’m proud to say she is a strong independent woman who definitely does not need me. I can’t imagine the disrespect she would feel if all of a sudden I went all alpha.

    • th3raid0r@tucson.social
      1·
      2 years ago

      I’m over 30 and I have both older and younger acquaintances and family that engage in this macho culture. For the younger ones, I have sympathy, I was much like that too as a young adult - or tried to be anyways. I never really fit in though and I grew up and grew out of trying to “fit in” so hard.

      For the older ones however, it’s quite puzzling. I don’t get it. How much lived experience does one need to ignore to figure this out? Is the quest for a male approved identity really preferable to growing into a well developed, emotionally mature man that is actually required to maintain relationships?

      It’s stories like those in the article that make me understand the hostility that more extreme feminists react with when presented with things like the “male loneliness epidemic”. (My second reaction, though is that if you think the “alphas” are the lonely ones, you might be mistaken - if that’s the norm, then the “good ones” must be the REALLY lonely ones.)

      I met my wife on OKCupid before it went to crap. She just kept telling me how I was so “respectful” compared to literally everyone else she met in years. I didn’t understand then, and nowadays I can only explain so much of that behavior. I suppose it’s a mix of the dominant media culture and internet culture being amplified by actors who either are ignorant of, profit from, or take advantage of it all.

    • callouscomic@lemm.eeEnglish
      0·
      2 years ago

      Oh god, you’re with a woman who doesn’t NEED you and yet still chooses to be WITH you? The horror! /s

    • AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee
      0·
      2 years ago

      Also a man, I haven’t tried being an “alpha male” because I’m not a toxic asshole, but let’s not pretend it’s not effective. Being genuine and kind has gotten me absolutely nowhere in the girlfriend department and the fact is the worst men I know all have girlfriends. If I was willing to be like that I probably would too.

      • Scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.techEnglish
        1·
        2 years ago

        I think what you’re seeing as toxic asshole may actually be confidence. You don’t need to prop up a woman as a perfect diety, you don’t have to just be nice to them, you have to be a whole complete person. Being nice is the minimum, be more than that. Genuine and kind is the minimum expectation, not the whole package. You, the whole you, are the complete package. Your humor, your jokes, your stories, your interests. You aren’t looking for a princess or queen that you have to bow down for. You’re looking for a true life partner.

        I hate to link reddit but this sums it up well. It’s a read, and I’d suggest reading through it. God knows I used to think that way - and it was not a healthy thing for me to do. If you’re thinking this way too then it may be time for some real, and I mean real introspection.

        https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/comments/ke7t7c/women_dont_like_nice_guys_women_like_good_men/

        I’m rooting for you bud, I really am. As cliche as it is, you just gotta be yourself. Don’t look with envy at other people, be happy for them. Be a person who you can be proud of and other people will pick up on that.

  • bender223@lemmy.todayEnglish
    0·
    2 years ago

    My guess is that more and more people are realizing that they can still live very fulfilling lives without getting married.

    I can’t imagine how weird and scary it is for women to be dating right now, knowing that there are so many far-right extremist men out there, who have a high potential of being misogynistic or even violent.

    • bermuda@beehaw.orgEnglish
      1·
      2 years ago

      As a man it’s weird seeing other men look at the same guy who said “grab them by the pussy” in complete seriousness and then say “that’s my president!”

      And then in the next breath they complain that women don’t give them the time of day. Like it’s… strange. I think if you’re gonna be misogynist you should also realize that means a lot of women aren’t going to be into you, but some of them just straight up don’t see it. The math just does not work in their brains.

      • ArtZuron@beehaw.orgEnglish
        1·
        2 years ago

        Centrist = Far Right MAGA = So far right they’re fascist Libertarian = Far right but in denial (most of the time) Democrat = Center Right

  • AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee
    0·
    2 years ago

    But he had been using drugs lately and had been fired from his last four jobs

    Who could possibly have predicted that relationship would turn out poorly. /s

    I’ll never understand why so many women date assholes then get upset that they’re dating an asshole.

    • version_unsorted@lemm.ee
      2·
      2 years ago

      What are you on about? Women aren’t allowed to be upset after being in a relationship that didn’t work out?