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Holy shit, this is my son in a couple of decades!
We are an animal-loving family. We have a tortoise. We go it when he was 3.
It’s a species that gets big too. Sulcata, aka African Spurred Tortoise. In 6 years he’s gone from the size of a chicken nugget to the size of a thanksgiving turkey. Or a Halloween pumpkin, perhaps.
When he’s 30 I hope to be able to offer him “appy bites” and think of the fediverse as he low-key scampers over. I could take a bite myself then let him chomp on the whole damn apple!
He really likes his greens though. Like a little armored cow. Except for bright yellow dandelion blossoms. Holy shit those are his jam!
from the size of a chicken nugget to the size of a thanksgiving turkey
Anything but metric
“when I said we would all be on a tight leash at work it was a figure of speech. take that thing off, it’s a choking hazard.”
Please stop calling your subordinates “subs”
What about subcontractors?
Mmm I love my sub’s contractions 🤤
tendy, choccy, and appy just make my skin crawl when I hear anyone over the age of 5 say it.
Chockie bickie is peak Aussie slang, said by all ages.
skill issue
Appy feels weird to me. Not actually sure what tendy even is. Tender, as in chicken tender?
But choccy is incredibly common here in Aus. Especially when “chocolate” is used as an adjective. You’re less likely (though certainly not unlikely) to hear “do you want some choccy”, but “do you want some choccy milk” is very normal.
Unless you are talking to your pet in a baby voice for them, of course.
Involving other people in your fetishes is weird, they need to stop (though I’m like 90% sure this story is made up).
Aegyo is an acceptable gender performance and occasionally fetishized. Perhaps in this case assuming no creative writing, but id imagine in most cases people just want to seem cute or youthful/playful
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I go potty on company time
That’s it—I’m putting you in timeout.
💀💀💀
could not agree more
