I already assumed aur was riddled with stuff like that.

Use a condom when fucking around in there.

‘Fruit de la mere’ is obviously just some attempted tax dodge.

Did anyone check Marie’s grave?

Most likely she melted into a sentient beam of radiation and is blasting all around the world, interfering with various radio signals, and science experiments, like John Bell’s - just to fuck with Einstein.

Another option is to try melting a bit of wire mesh or even strands of wire wool into the plastic with a soldering iron, or maybe just melt in a few staples across the crack.