Pretty sure if God needed that, He could make it happen without needing people to make donations.

Assuming He exists, of course.

It’s one thing I’d be fine sticking Trump’s name on.

All the dead in this war, military and civilian, American, Iranian and Qatari, are blood on Donald’s hands

Furiously scrubs at screen to try to wipe off smudge over the word “but”…

How do you get a smudge on your screenshot?

Brought home dinner!

Annoying thing with those is driving where the law requires lights to be on when using wipers in the rain. But the rain isn’t always enough to make it dark enough to activate automatic lights. So you have to switch your lights to on rather than automatic.

You know. It’s starting to occur to me that God might be a dick.

Has the vegan never seen a goat before?

Why is this a problem, Father?

Weren’t you going to tell the predator to report himself to the police as penance, anyway?

Do Christians not read their Bible?

Jesus’s condemnation of the death penalty is one of the best known stories in the Gospels.

We had yellow jackets find a whole in the wall, and dig in and burrow out the drywall. Just a thin layer of paper between them and our bedroom. Luckily noticed and got the nest cleared out before they made it inside the house

So when he eats pussy it’s dry as hell?

I just remember it being tough and dry. Got better chicken at Wendy’s. When you specialize in chicken and get beat by a burger joint, you’re doing it wrong.

Like “one bad apple spoils the barrel”

Just dismissing criminals in your midst as “bad apples” misses the point. The phrase is meant to say you need to find and get rid of those apples before their corruption spreads to the rest of the barrel.

He wanted it in a paper cup with a layer of Caramel like they make at Starbucks

Remember when they said they were going to round up all the dangerous criminal illegal immigrants?

But those were too hard to find, so they arrested the guys outside Home Depot or in the Hyundai factory instead. As long as they “look,” illegal, that’s good enough

This soda tastes like shoes