now when someone says eat a bag of dicks and throws me a bag of fun size snickers, we can’t have a laugh at all because there’s no vein. did you think about that mattel and mars bar corporation? did you?

now i’m scared to ask

the caulk aisle is the best aisle in the hardware store. get to buy some thicker, fatter caulk.

now you got me thinking about embracing my wife and i’m feeling all googly moogly. i’ma go make some tea or something

our community got its officers out on the streets on halloween and we’ve had far fewer incidents.

hard to tell whether this is part of the underlying trend toward less crime or a result of that specific action, as i’m not a crimeologist, but when i smell correlations shit i point at it.

we’re talking about caulk dude

ooo, i bet i could fit like three of those backpacks into the crate of my cargo bike. caulking aside (and who doesn’t love talking about good caulk), that is giving me pest control ideas. also croissant or pancake ideas for some reason i don’t know why we’d need that kind of wand but i know why we’d need that much liquid butter/batter.

is there a specific name for those backpack containers or are they just “backpack jugs”

i don’t think i need to.

by the time i make it out to destroy them, the high schoolers will have destroyed them already.

as we have said before, the kids are alright. the flock camera out by the unofficial kids’ rifle shooting range by the tracks is always full of holes. on halloween i’m sure that’s going to be all of them around the county (these kids got minibikes)

<3 :3

pay attention after your next (first?) colonoscopy. they pump you full of air and most of it comes out the same direction it came in.

just don’t hold it. my mother was feeling too dainty to fart (we had back to back colonoscopies with the same gastro. even did the prep together. what a bonding experience) so she ended up with trapped gas. and then did not get enough dilaudid and only got to the gut clench phase of the drug and ended up in more pain.

then she farted the long fart and all was right in the world again. but her gut was still clenched from the drug so it was not so pleasant.

they found some very small old people.

no, you did it right.

i could add one to my trike. think of the luxury.

my dude, i think you meant
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i think we are the type who recognize that multilingual folk exist. and those folk make mistakes. and they shouldn’t be castigated for their mistakes. because i don’t like being castigated (unless she’s my wife. i also choose this dude’s wife. exceptions exist) do you?

Shit now I’m thinking bout it

There’s a prison nearby.

There are not flock cameras outside the prison or anywhere near it.

That should tell you everything you need to know.

Yeah, my second friend to die went out via autoerotic asphyxiation. Be careful with it.

Dude plead guilty. Idk what his strategery is but it don’t make since yo me